Tusc Moms

Help! No one has RSVP'd for my daughter's birthday party!

Ok. My daughter is having her birthday party this Saturday. I sent out invitations at the beginning of the week, and NO ONE has called to tell me if they are coming. So I'm starting to get really worried that kids aren't going to come, and I'm going to over prepare goodies and food and stuff that I can't really afford to do. But I also don't want to be left short if everyone ends up showing up. So what is the proper procedure when this happens? Has anyone else dealt with this before? And would it be considered rude if I started calling the parents tonight just so I could have a head count?

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Ohhhh boy. Are you from around here? I only ask because I'm not from here, and it was a rude awakening to me to discover that people do NOT RSVP here. It's so annoying!!!!!

I think calling parents is fine. I'm on my 5th year in Alabama, and although this might sound a bit like stalking, here is what I have started doing

I send invitations out 2 weeks in advance, clearly asking for an RSVP and I give a date I need the RSVP by. I get a couple, but not many.

If it's for my older daughter (1st grade), after the RSVP date passes, I start emailing any parents who haven't RSVPd.

For my younger daughter (in daycare), I loiter in the afternoons and try to catch parents in the classroom to ask them.

It's a very frustrating topic, and I feel your pain. But definitely start calling. I would just say, "hi, this is so and so's mom. I haven't heard back from you regarding ____'s birthday party, but I hope you'll be able to make it."
This might be my biggest pet peeve. IT IS SO RUDE. If someone takes the time and energy and money to send you an invite, why can't you give them the courtesy of a simple yes or no? These days you can just do it by email. It takes 2 seconds. There is NO EXCUSE.
People need head counts so they can plan food and goodie bags and such. Why doesn't anyone understand this? It baffles me.
I'm sorry you are going through this.
I guess you have to track everyone down and ask them. But you shouldn't have to.
Moozle, you think it's an Alabama thing? Or a southern thing? If so, what happened to southern hospitality??
You know, I think it's a small(ish) town thing. And when I question some local friends on it, they will tell me right to my face "nope I never RSVP and it would never even occur to me to do so." I think honestly, because so many people are from here, grew up here, know everyone closely, that they ASSUME everyone will come and that's why you see so many people only ask for regrets.

But still, if you are ASKED for an RSVP, it's not that hard .... definitely a pet peeve of mine too.



Kristi said:
This might be my biggest pet peeve. IT IS SO RUDE. If someone takes the time and energy and money to send you an invite, why can't you give them the courtesy of a simple yes or no? These days you can just do it by email. It takes 2 seconds. There is NO EXCUSE.
People need head counts so they can plan food and goodie bags and such. Why doesn't anyone understand this? It baffles me.
I'm sorry you are going through this.
I guess you have to track everyone down and ask them. But you shouldn't have to.
Moozle, you think it's an Alabama thing? Or a southern thing? If so, what happened to southern hospitality??
I don't think that's rude. I don't know your daughter is in school/day care, but we had this situation with my daughter and I asked the teacher if I could put an RSVP sheet at the place where parents signed in each day. That worked really well.

I think most people just get busy and forget. I know sometimes I'll realize I need to RSVP, then I need to figure out where I put the invitation, then need to get to my email or phone. I know it's not a big deal, but with the kids underfoot, I'm often off on a distraction before I pull it all together. So, if I were on the receiving end of a call, I would not be offended - I'd be grateful and apologetic.
Thanks for all the input everyone. It's nice to know I'm not the only one dealing with this problem. I ended up calling a good number of people on the list, and I still have no idea how many people are coming! Most of them, I just had to leave voicemails. As of right now, I only have a handful of yeses, and a couple of maybes. I guess we're going to go ahead with the party, but I have to say this experience has definitely turned me off trying to do another big party anytime in the near future. I just hope enough kids come that my daughter doesn't feel like her party's a flop or that kids don't like her or something.
It's why I do my invites on Facebook. I save paper and stamps and people can just click yes or no. Not that they all do, but most do.
I realized that people don't RSVP when I got married. I even sent out those cute (expensive) little reply cards with self addressed stamped envelopes. Out of 100, I probably got 20 back and those were from family that I already knew were coming! Emily was 3 when we had her first "real" birthday with friends from daycare. I had to guess and overplan because I got no RSVP. Then, some parents came with siblings too! So guess I was lucky to have extra favors. Her birthday is in July which makes it hard this year since she is in Kindergarten and so I can't send invites to school. I always RSVP as soon as I can and if I end up not being able to go when I said I would, I always call or email to apologize. Wish everyone else was as type A as me:)
First off let me say that this is prob. one of my BIGGEST PET PEEVES!!! It is soooooo rude to not RSVP. It takes 5 sec. to call someone or shoot them an email. I do it as soon as I receive the invite for my daughter, and if I'm not sure right then, I put it on the counter - IN THE WAY OF LIFE - so I make a point to figure out what we are doing and rsvp. If anyone has thrown a party for their child before, then they know all the cost that is involved. You pay by the kid, so you have to make sure everyone is paid for, and then you are out of that money if they don't show. UHH SO RUDE! And let me say, it isn't a southern thing. I am from Louisiana and have lived all over, a lot in the North, and it's everywhere. I think it's just a respect thing. If you teach your children to respect others then I think this falls into that category. I also don't go without sending a Thank you card for gifts, even to family. I think this is a dying art too! I am so sorry that you have had a problem with this and I hope your party was a success!
Join the club. This weekend is my daughter's 6th, and I've gotten a handful of RSVPs (including the lovely Casey below, who was first to reply! :):):)). I always RSVP as soon as I know the date is available -- or I would simply assume that if I showed up, then there wouldn't be a piece of cake or favor bag available for me. However...

I put my email addy and phone # on the invitation...it's soo not that hard.
How did the party go? Did people show up who didn't RSVP?
The party ended up going really well, but only 8 of the 30 kids we invited actually showed up. And all of them were ones that I had talked to the parents personally. So I am glad I ended up calling the parents the night before, because from what some of the them said, they wouldn't have known about or remembered the party otherwise. So I think in the future, I'm going to make sure to send e-mails or something to the parents, as well as sending invitations home, to make sure the parents know about the party in the first place. It also turned out that a boy in my daughter's class had a party the same day, so I think that's why most of the boys didn't show up.

But in the end, my daughter had a blast, as did all the kids who did show, so that's all that matters. And I have to say, I had my reservations about Eat My Beats (which is where we had the party) before it happened, but it was awesome. The kids had so much fun dancing around, and I think we found a few potential rock stars at my daughter's school, because there were a couple of girls that barely got off the stage or away from the microphones the entire time we were there. :) And the one boy (and the tomboys) in the group had plenty of fun, too, playing on the wii and the game tables. So I can definitely recommend this place for other parties. In fact, most of the moms were asking for details for their own daughters' birthday parties in the future. So, all in all, it was a success, though I think next year we may aim for a smaller party. Just for the sake of my own sanity. :)
Eat My Beats sounds really cool! I think Aidan might be a little young for that still, but I will keep it in mind for his future parties. Glad you had fun. :)

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